Daddy had to work late tonight, so Mama let me stay up later than usual. We watched television on the sofa, curled up together like kittens. Mama kissed my head and shifted her weight.
“Emily?” she asked. “Is Lily here?”
I stiffened, feeling panic rise in my stomach. Mama told me I was never to talk about Lily, that she wasn’t real, and I had promised Daddy that I would never bring her up again. I swallowed, afraid to breathe. Mama caressed my arm with her fingertips, pressing her lips against my scalp as she spoke. “I’m not going to get mad, baby. I just want to know the truth. Do you still see her? Do you still see Lily?”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I whispered. My voice sounded small and thin.
“Emily, this is important. I heard you and Daddy talking about Lily the other day. I need to know if you still see her. Do you?” Mama’s breath was warm on my skin.
“Are you going to send me to the doctor if I say that I still see her?” I asked.
“Just tell me the truth, Emily. I need to know the truth.”
Squeezing my eyes shut and swallowing hard, I nodded. “Yes,” I whispered. “I see her every day. I talk to her and play with her every day. Of course I do, Mama. She’s my sister.”
I heard Mama sniffle, and I knew she was crying. I knew I was the reason she was crying, and I felt like crying, too, but not because I was sad. Because I was confused and scared and I wanted Mama to know what Daddy and I knew. I wanted her to be able to peel back whatever was on her eyes that made her unable to see her daughter, unable to see my friend and sister. Unable to see the other piece of our family.
But Mama couldn’t know how I felt. Instead, she wiped at her face, and sighed. “Can Daddy see her, too? Emily, is Daddy just faking that he can see her? Is it just a game? Or can he really see her, too?”
I pulled away from Mama then, so I could see her face. She wasn’t crying hard, like I do when I skin my knee or when I bruise myself. Her face wasn’t red or splotchy. But her eyes were watery and her nose a little drippy, and the corners of her eyes drooped down just a little. I placed my palms on her cheeks and pushed them up, forcing her to smile. And she thought I was funny, and she did smile, but only for a moment. Then she took my hands in her hers and held them in her lap. “Emily, please. Can Daddy see Lily, too?”
I didn’t want to hurt Mama. I didn’t want to betray Daddy. I didn’t want to cause any problems for anyone.
I nodded.
And Mama pulled me to her chest and began to cry like I do when I skin my knee or bruise myself. Except she had no Mama or Daddy to make it all feel better.
